She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
