RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
