This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
