Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
