This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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