my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
