I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
