well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
