Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
