I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
