Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
