I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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