Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
