4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We are two peas in an std pod
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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