We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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