I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
