I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
