Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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