I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
