Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
