i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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