I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
