Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
