i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
operation have a gay friend backfired
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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