There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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