The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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