yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
