They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
