I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
