i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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