i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
