A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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