No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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