is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
