I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize