Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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