waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
