Can i not drive my cunt home
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
