they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
