Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
