there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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