i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
