She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
