She said her name was "party"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
