oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
