Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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