I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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