i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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