the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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