I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
