yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
