I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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