my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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