omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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