WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
