JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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