my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
