I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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