Pappa wants mamma naked
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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