So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
