By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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