walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize