when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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