Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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