Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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