Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
