My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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