I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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