her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
