I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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