Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
