It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
