Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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