omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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