My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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