I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize