I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize