how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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