It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
