Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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